Now That’s a Useless Record
Most Candles Blown Out by Farts: 5, Gerard Jessie1
Hardest Kick in the Nuts (Without Reacting): 1100 lbs., Kirby Roy1
Largest Crowd at The New Holland Arena (PA Farm Show & Expo Center):
7300 (approx.), President Donald Trump (Trump’s Harrisburg Rally had a very small rally crowd size)
If I asked you to distinguish the most useless record of the three cited above, could you? I don’t think I could. I can name the most pathetic. The president of the United States should not be bragging about drawing a slightly larger crowd than a Milli-Vanilli reunion concert. That means a milli-vanilli reunion would draw as well as Trump’s Harrisburg Rally.
There is another difference between the first two records and the last one. The first two were actually verified (and you think your job sucks). The kind description for the president’s claim is that he pulled it out of his ass. The more likely case is that he simply lied. Let’s examine the theoretical and physical evidence that refutes the president’s claim. In other words, Trump’s Harrisburg Rally did not set a record.
In theory, two elements are required to believe that the president was telling the Truth when he made his claim. Someone had to know the previous attendance record, and the size of the crowd at his rally had to exceed that number. The biggest crowd for an event at the entire complex is 585,000 over 8 days. That works out to just over 73,000 visitors per day. Clearly, the rally drew less than 73,000 attendees. I searched for hours and could not find a previous attendance record for the 7300 seat New Holland Arena itself. It seems the president’s claim is either impossible to prove, or easy to refute.
Of course, theories are for godless pansy-boys. Real men only believe what they can see with their own eyes. As it turns out, anyone seeing the rally with his own eyes would have noticed this was not a standing room only crowd. It might have been difficult to notice the open space on the floor, but the empty seats around the arena were obvious. There were still tickets available on the Trump website as late as 8:45 on Thursday evening. So team Trump may have known they did not even draw their expected numbers much less a record. As far as the line to get it, who knows? It could have been traffic from the Lumber show going on in one of the other pavilions at the same time (imagine the traffic with not one, but two colossal crowds). We know reading is not Trump’s strong suit. Maybe the lines were protesters, but he could not understand the slogans on their signs.
I could have everything wrong here. The media could have faked pictures to show empty seats. Who am I to belittle filling the largest arena in the region? Oh wait, the New Holland Arena is not the biggest in the region. A mere 16 miles away, Hershey Park is home to the Giant Center (capacity 12,000) and Hershey Park Stadium (capacity 30,000). I know Trump’s base is not big on chocolate, but he did not even use the biggest space at the Farm Show & Expo Center. The main hall in that facility is more than five times the size of the New Holland Arena. Certainly Trump could have spoken there to accommodate more of his adoring fans. In the end, he set the lowest possible bar, almost cleared it, and stood on the podium demanding the world acknowledge his gold medal. And I thought participation trophies were for delicate, snowflake liberals.
We all know the president likes to blow his own horn. Or given his problems gauging size, maybe we should say he likes to toot his own kazoo. This isn’t the first, or even the second, time the president has created a tall tale and then bragged about it. Hopefully, you’ve gotten a few laughs and a little insight from my description of the latest incident. If you want to learn more about administrations that lie even when it is easier to tell the truth (and you don’t mind being really scared), check out Worse Than Watergate, by John Dean.
Until next time, keep laughing so you don’t have to cry. (Trump’s Rally crowd was small. The Rally Crowd size was small)
- ODEE – “Ten Stupidest World Records“
(Trump’s Rally crowd was small. The Rally Crowd size was small)(Trump’s Rally crowd was small. The Rally Crowd size was small)(Trump’s Rally crowd was small. The Rally Crowd size was small)